They tells me that the pastor of New Jerusalem, Rev. Pastor Dwayne Pickett, along with a few more Negro men of the cloth, namely the Coalition of African American Pastors (CAAP), are telling their congregations not to vote for President Obama because he is supporting gay marriage. I have a few reasons not to vote for President Obama, including his initial reduction of funding to HBCUs as one of his first acts as President, but not to vote for him because he supports legalized unions for gay people—which is the core of this issue—is just damn stupid. First, let me say this. Gay people who want the right to be married are dumb as hell. Man, y’all are home free. Why would you want to open the door to problems that y’all don’t have, such as interfering in-laws, sorry ass relatives that leave their children at your house, and losing half of your stuff in a divorce settlement. Trust me, as a man who has dated and been married to the same woman for eighteen years (damn!), we remain married because for me it is cheaper to keep her and for her because I am actually worth more to her dead than alive, and she wants to be around to cash the lotto ticket when I finally die. That is why I never walk down the steps before her. So for all you gays clamoring to get married, you should know that not only is the grass not always greener on the other side, when it comes to marriage, fifty-two percent of the time the grass is brown and brittle enough to spark a forest fire.
One question that remains unanswered is why are these African-American minstrels, err I mean ministers, so worried about keeping gays from getting married while they do very little to keep heterosexuals married. According the 2011 U. S. Census, “only 45% of African American households contain a married couple, compared to 80% for Whites, and 70% among Hispanics. In 1890, 80% of African-American households were comprised of two parents.One hundred years later, only 40% of African-American children live in married-couple households.” What is more interesting is that the divorce rate, especially for African Americans, is higher in the so-called Bible Belt. Furthermore, an increasingly higher number of African Americans who identify themselves as heterosexual are choosing not to marry. According to the 2002 U. S. Census, “Forty-two percent of black adults have never been married, compared with just 26 percent of all American adults.” Where is the pulpit outrage for these issues? Where is the lobbying of President Obama to do something about African Americans not getting married or not remaining married? These minstrels, err I mean ministers, are spending so much time working to keep gays from being married that they are neglecting the work of educating heterosexuals about the rewards of developing and maintaining healthy marriages.
So now that the Negro reverends want their flocks not to vote for President Obama, what is the alternative—Mitt Romney? Telling African Americans not to vote for President Obama and to vote for Romney is like telling the hens to vote against the rooster and for the chicken hawk. The rooster may be too ingratiating to the farmer, but he ain’t trying to eat the hens. Okay, so you agree with Romney on the issue of gay marriage—and let’s throw in abortion for good measure—but what about issues, such as proper funding of education for public schools, Romney’s desire to deregulate America to a time when food, buildings, and working conditions were not safe for the average citizens, his promise to limit quality to health care to certain citizens, issues of racial profiling and police brutality, the republican war on unions, and the republican fight to repeal various civil rights laws and advances, such as the 1965 Voting Rights Act and measures that protect people of color and women from employment discrimination? Are these not important issues? And to be clear about abortion, I find it interesting, if not hypocritical, that these Negro minstrels, err I mean ministers, that are so anti-abortion do very little to aid in the parenting of poor black children. Most teenage crimes and deviant behavior occur between the hours of 3:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. when parents and guardians are not at home. Additionally, the vast majority of poor African-American children must pass a locked church on their way from school to an unsupervised or unsafe home. So, is it not myopic, if not hypocritical, for Negro minstrels, err I mean ministers, to bemoan the issue of abortion yet do very little to break the cycle of babies having babies by providing nurturing safe havens for them? I guess the doors of the church are open, unless you are a poor black child with no safe place to be during the hours of 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Monday through Friday. So the fact that these Negro minstrels, err I mean ministers, are opposing President Obama on a moral issue is laughable. That is, I must laugh to keep from being sickened by their highbrow stupidity. In full disclosure, I do not think it is my responsibility to house or care for children born to terrible ass parents. This is why I am all for abortion. Can I really force someone to have a child that they do not want when I know that I do not plan to help them raise the child? Since I do not plan to help feed you or your child, I do not have the right to force you to have it. Yet, this is the type of hypocrisy promoted by Romney and these Negro minstrels, err I mean ministers. They want to force people to have babies and simultaneously cut funding or deny access and support to help these poor parents. Understand, the only reason I want every child properly educated is because I know that every properly educated child is one more person less likely to rob or assault me. However, the republicans and these Negro minstrels, err I mean ministers, want to force unwilling people to be parents and then bemoan the high poverty and crime rate as if they are too stupid to realize the connection.
Thus, my anger and amazement is not just about the waste of time and money spent to keep gays from being married. My anger is caused by the notion that the Negro minstrels, err I mean ministers, are missing the bigger picture. I say to hell with them gays. I’m concerned with a more essential issue facing the African-American community. What we gon’ do ‘bout these terrible-ass Negro parents who continue to have children they don’t want and can’t feed? Gay people don’t hurt the education system or the economy. In fact, gay people—through the arts, cooking, and fashion—actually help education and the economy. Think of all of the excellent musicals, fine cuisine, and colorful clothing created by the gays. And let’s not forget that most Negro churches would be boring as hell if not for the gay organist, choir director, and lead soloist. Aw come on now, don’t act like y’all didn’t know that. So, it seems quite hypocritical that we can turn a blind eye or be forgiving as long as the gay dude is supplyin’ the grooves to the 11:00 a.m. service, but let one of ‘em want to gain equal protection under the law—which, again, is the crux of this issue—then all hell breaks loose. I mean, seriously, can we really say that gay people do more harm to the African-American community than these terrible-ass first and the fifteenth, WIC, welfare parents who place the burden of raising their children on everyone else? Man, y’all be trippin’!
So I say that rather than fighting against their legal right to be miserable and get divorced like the rest of us we should have a national day of prayer for the gays to help them turn from their sinful and oh so flamboyant ways and a national day of “whip ass” for these terrible parents, petitioning President Obama to pass an executive order, making it legal to whip the ass of any parent that is not properly caring for one’s child. Even if the Negro minstrels, err I mean ministers, are able to keep gays from being married, that still will not have addressed the high crime rate, poverty, and hopelessness that exist in many African-American communities due to the millions of children being raised by parents who do not want them or cannot afford them. So, leave the flamboyant organist alone and start preparing some sermons on poor parenting because that is the most essential issue destroying the African-American community.
UPDATE: C. Liegh McInnis has been awarded First Runner-Up for the 2012 North Carolina State A&T Sonia Sanchez-Amiri Baraka Poetry Prize, which is a national competition sponsored by the Creative Writing Program at NC State A&T.